Hi again!
Very long time since I wrote my last post! And OMG! I must sound really boring, and very OTT.
But I think I finished with saying I needed to remember H.
Well that aint interestin. I'll talk about it anyway, if I can think how to start..... Well, I met H through some mates of mine, at college. He took the piss out of my by twisting everything I said about my horse and stuff. I didnt like him too much to start with. Mind you I dont think he liked me much either coz I kinda was a total bitch back then. Anyway... I began to like him. One night we all went out. We played "I never". He said Ive never had a relationship with anyone here, but hopefully after tonight that will change. That got my hopes up through the roof, coz I was the only single one there. But no, it was my best mate he was after, who had a bf! They ended up makin out and I was so upset. Then I eventually told him I liked him and he said "I don't do relationships, coz they always screw up". Which I took to mean he didnt like me. So I got over him. He had flirted with me loads and had said he wanted to be fuck buddies! Hah! Me? A fuck buddy? LOL
I was speakin to him last nite and gettin all depressive on him and he said he would go out with me just like that if he could handle having a relationship.
In my first post, I ran through the thing with the guy who had a fiancee. Well basically what ended up happening there was we flirted with each other loads, then went to the cinema and saw quantum of solace (good film btw) and held hands. I realised actually he's a prick in a screwy relationship and I dont like him enough to get involved, so I told him it werent happenin.
Erm so Ill end that post there now Ive fully updated no one (as no one reads this evidently) on my stupid pretty much non existant love life.
So yeah... when I can next be arsed Ill update no one on my family life. But maybe not, as no ones actually reading this, I might just delete my account.
BYE no one.
Friday 12 December 2008
Saturday 27 September 2008
She said it's not about you
Well, hello again.
If you survived that earlier ramble and came out of it without being completely confused then well done. I think I better start at the beginning with some stuff. Like my hectic love life.
Well, like I said I've never had a boyfriend. I've never even been kissed by a guy, or a girl for that matter. Lately I've been groped a few times, by a girl, then by her fiancee. Yeah, I know. Then the same girl asked me to grope her tit. I said no. Maybe I'm frigid. Hmmm. But then I think about a cock sliding into me and Oh My God! It's all I want sometimes. But I'm definitely straight. I think. I have thought about kissing girls before. But thats about it, although I just had an image in my head of a girl licking me out. That turned me on. But then thinking about anyone licking me out turns me on. Hmmm. I don't know. Maybe I'm bi? Ahhh I can find that out later. Where was I? Oh yeah, I've never had a boyfriend. I'm a complete virgin. At 18 that is either a miracle, or just sad. You decide.
I had my first crush when I was about 8. To a guy 4 years older than me. He was my brothers mate who I also played with. It was a full blown crush. He thought I was just a kid. So that never happened. Then I think there was a south african boy who I liked. My mate told him I liked him and he didnt like me back. I was about 9 or 10 then. I pretended she said it as a joke. Then there was a new boy. Several girls liked him and I got on with him really well. But I think I just liked him a lot as a friend. Then when I was in year 7, I sent a pretty popular guy a note sayin I liked him. Everyone knew and I was humiliated. What a twat he was. Then I went up to high school and had a crush on a guy two years above me. He didn't even know me. So there's another one ticked off, who I never got with. He wouldnt even register me. I don't stand out in a cowd. I definitely didn't back then. I mean my mum dressed me, and I had no fashion sense. My mums another part of my life that fits in with my family and why I love em and hate em. But thats for later.
Then in my last year of school, there was a guy I flirted outrageously with in French lessons. He flirted back. But he was such a tease. He loved to joke so much. One time he asked me to go to the prom with him. I'll always remember that. Because I sat there like an idiot and said absolutely nothing. I thought he was joking. I don't think he was. A few days/weeks (can't remember exactly) I asked him if he was going to the prom and he said no, coz the girl he wanted to go with did something to his heart. I cant remember the exact words. Something like stabbed his heart or something. I wondered if he was talking about me.
Anyhoo, then I went to college. I liked this really nice guy. Added him online. Went on and on about I liked this guy until I really embarassed myself and had to admit it was him. He said he didn't want a relationship at that point. So another one bites the dust. Then this guy who I went to school with added me online and ended up askin me out. I had lead him on quite a lot too. I didn't even fancy him. I just liked the flirtin we did online. So he asked me out. I actually said ok. I didn't know how to say no. But then I panicced and told him I wasn't ready for a relationship. Which was a complete lie. He told my mate all about and she got onto me and I said I just didn't like him like that. She made me tell him the truth. So I did. I felt like a complete bitch. But I never counted him as a boyfriend. We never even met up. Then after him, I met a really nice guy online. We swapped numbers and texted a lot. But then I got put off because he put "love you xxxxxx" at the end of every text. I mean he hardly knew me. So I cooled it down a bit. He lived too far away anyway. He now has a girlfriend anyway and we still talk sometimes.
Well, then I had a major thing for my mates boyfriend. She had been with him for about 6 months when I started liking him. Perhaps longer in fact. Anyway, I managed to get his addy of my mate. Then we got talking. I started sort of putting myself down I suppose and he said I was good looking basically. Flattered my ego I suppose. We swapped numbers. A little while later they split up. He started textin me one night in the middle of the night, he was round hers, in the spare room. He saw a different side to me then. We flirted pretty heavily. Then we met up one night and just sat in my car and talked. After he said I should have made a move coz I said I was sorry I hadn't, but I was shy. He carried on flirting with me online. I sent him pictures. Pictures I shouldn't have sent. Not naked. But still. Then him and my mate got back together again. Even though she had already told him she had cheated on him several times. Then about 3 months later, just after new year they split up again. I talked to him a lot. He was talkin of movin, not really far away or anything, but to get away from her I think. I texted him loads, too much. He must have thought I was clingy. A little while after they split up I told him how I felt. How much I liked him yahda yahda yahda. He said something along the lines of "I think your lovely too. But all I think about if I think about girls is *insert name here*" He said a lot. Wasn't completely straight with me I don't think. Then anyway, I didn't hear from him for ages, so it ended up kind of "out of sight, out of mind". I thought I'd gotten over him. Then my mate, his ex, asked me to go clubbin with her for his birthday. So we did. I still fancied him. I don't think I dressed that great that night though. I didn't look my best and I wanted to. She said that they were on the brink of getting back together. They did get back together. Eventually, me and him got talking online again. We flirted outrageously. Got quite deep about stuff. I went on webcam for him. Topless. I never was confident enough to go fully naked. Then, one day when she was away, he asked me to go round his, for sex basically, said he'd be gentle. I eventually drove there, and waited outside for hours. Drove off a few times. Then went back. Finally got out of the car. Walked up and down the road a few times. Could see him in the window watchin footy. He saw me go past one time. Then I finally went and knocked on his door. He let me in.
His dad was goin to be home from work, so nothing happened. We sat there, talked a little bit about random stuff, then his dad came home, asked me if I'd been able to track her down :s then he had to give his dad a lift somewhere so I went home. Waited for him to come online. I said sorry for being so stupid and taking so long to come and see him. I said I was stupid. We talked for a bit online. But after that when he was with her he seemed to be avoiding me, wouldnt come and talk to me or anything. Then I said about it and he said he hadn't meant to. Then he talked to me a bit more. Then he didn't talk to me online for ages. Then one day he came online and said "I'm so bored at work, there's no entertainment here" or somthing along those lines. So I said "well I don't know how to entertain you" and he said "I wasn't asking u to". That was the day I started to get over him. He spoke to me just as in the formalities when he saw me when he was with her. Then we didn't speak online and I am now completely over him. But they just split up. I really want to like him again. But I seriously dont think he likes me, and it'll never happen.
Now, I'm tired. So the rest of my love life I will tell tomorrow. Must remember H though. Don't worry all will be axplained.
Anyway, thanks for reading x
If you survived that earlier ramble and came out of it without being completely confused then well done. I think I better start at the beginning with some stuff. Like my hectic love life.
Well, like I said I've never had a boyfriend. I've never even been kissed by a guy, or a girl for that matter. Lately I've been groped a few times, by a girl, then by her fiancee. Yeah, I know. Then the same girl asked me to grope her tit. I said no. Maybe I'm frigid. Hmmm. But then I think about a cock sliding into me and Oh My God! It's all I want sometimes. But I'm definitely straight. I think. I have thought about kissing girls before. But thats about it, although I just had an image in my head of a girl licking me out. That turned me on. But then thinking about anyone licking me out turns me on. Hmmm. I don't know. Maybe I'm bi? Ahhh I can find that out later. Where was I? Oh yeah, I've never had a boyfriend. I'm a complete virgin. At 18 that is either a miracle, or just sad. You decide.
I had my first crush when I was about 8. To a guy 4 years older than me. He was my brothers mate who I also played with. It was a full blown crush. He thought I was just a kid. So that never happened. Then I think there was a south african boy who I liked. My mate told him I liked him and he didnt like me back. I was about 9 or 10 then. I pretended she said it as a joke. Then there was a new boy. Several girls liked him and I got on with him really well. But I think I just liked him a lot as a friend. Then when I was in year 7, I sent a pretty popular guy a note sayin I liked him. Everyone knew and I was humiliated. What a twat he was. Then I went up to high school and had a crush on a guy two years above me. He didn't even know me. So there's another one ticked off, who I never got with. He wouldnt even register me. I don't stand out in a cowd. I definitely didn't back then. I mean my mum dressed me, and I had no fashion sense. My mums another part of my life that fits in with my family and why I love em and hate em. But thats for later.
Then in my last year of school, there was a guy I flirted outrageously with in French lessons. He flirted back. But he was such a tease. He loved to joke so much. One time he asked me to go to the prom with him. I'll always remember that. Because I sat there like an idiot and said absolutely nothing. I thought he was joking. I don't think he was. A few days/weeks (can't remember exactly) I asked him if he was going to the prom and he said no, coz the girl he wanted to go with did something to his heart. I cant remember the exact words. Something like stabbed his heart or something. I wondered if he was talking about me.
Anyhoo, then I went to college. I liked this really nice guy. Added him online. Went on and on about I liked this guy until I really embarassed myself and had to admit it was him. He said he didn't want a relationship at that point. So another one bites the dust. Then this guy who I went to school with added me online and ended up askin me out. I had lead him on quite a lot too. I didn't even fancy him. I just liked the flirtin we did online. So he asked me out. I actually said ok. I didn't know how to say no. But then I panicced and told him I wasn't ready for a relationship. Which was a complete lie. He told my mate all about and she got onto me and I said I just didn't like him like that. She made me tell him the truth. So I did. I felt like a complete bitch. But I never counted him as a boyfriend. We never even met up. Then after him, I met a really nice guy online. We swapped numbers and texted a lot. But then I got put off because he put "love you xxxxxx" at the end of every text. I mean he hardly knew me. So I cooled it down a bit. He lived too far away anyway. He now has a girlfriend anyway and we still talk sometimes.
Well, then I had a major thing for my mates boyfriend. She had been with him for about 6 months when I started liking him. Perhaps longer in fact. Anyway, I managed to get his addy of my mate. Then we got talking. I started sort of putting myself down I suppose and he said I was good looking basically. Flattered my ego I suppose. We swapped numbers. A little while later they split up. He started textin me one night in the middle of the night, he was round hers, in the spare room. He saw a different side to me then. We flirted pretty heavily. Then we met up one night and just sat in my car and talked. After he said I should have made a move coz I said I was sorry I hadn't, but I was shy. He carried on flirting with me online. I sent him pictures. Pictures I shouldn't have sent. Not naked. But still. Then him and my mate got back together again. Even though she had already told him she had cheated on him several times. Then about 3 months later, just after new year they split up again. I talked to him a lot. He was talkin of movin, not really far away or anything, but to get away from her I think. I texted him loads, too much. He must have thought I was clingy. A little while after they split up I told him how I felt. How much I liked him yahda yahda yahda. He said something along the lines of "I think your lovely too. But all I think about if I think about girls is *insert name here*" He said a lot. Wasn't completely straight with me I don't think. Then anyway, I didn't hear from him for ages, so it ended up kind of "out of sight, out of mind". I thought I'd gotten over him. Then my mate, his ex, asked me to go clubbin with her for his birthday. So we did. I still fancied him. I don't think I dressed that great that night though. I didn't look my best and I wanted to. She said that they were on the brink of getting back together. They did get back together. Eventually, me and him got talking online again. We flirted outrageously. Got quite deep about stuff. I went on webcam for him. Topless. I never was confident enough to go fully naked. Then, one day when she was away, he asked me to go round his, for sex basically, said he'd be gentle. I eventually drove there, and waited outside for hours. Drove off a few times. Then went back. Finally got out of the car. Walked up and down the road a few times. Could see him in the window watchin footy. He saw me go past one time. Then I finally went and knocked on his door. He let me in.
His dad was goin to be home from work, so nothing happened. We sat there, talked a little bit about random stuff, then his dad came home, asked me if I'd been able to track her down :s then he had to give his dad a lift somewhere so I went home. Waited for him to come online. I said sorry for being so stupid and taking so long to come and see him. I said I was stupid. We talked for a bit online. But after that when he was with her he seemed to be avoiding me, wouldnt come and talk to me or anything. Then I said about it and he said he hadn't meant to. Then he talked to me a bit more. Then he didn't talk to me online for ages. Then one day he came online and said "I'm so bored at work, there's no entertainment here" or somthing along those lines. So I said "well I don't know how to entertain you" and he said "I wasn't asking u to". That was the day I started to get over him. He spoke to me just as in the formalities when he saw me when he was with her. Then we didn't speak online and I am now completely over him. But they just split up. I really want to like him again. But I seriously dont think he likes me, and it'll never happen.
Now, I'm tired. So the rest of my love life I will tell tomorrow. Must remember H though. Don't worry all will be axplained.
Anyway, thanks for reading x
Hi
Well, hi there!
I'm 18. I'm single. I have a mum, dad and brother. I love them, most of the time :p. I have plenty of mates, who are all, or nearly all, the best! Some are fake, but, oh well. I'm quite shy, I hate being in big groups of people where I know very few of them, I'm not sure what to say, so I don't say anything. Once I get to know people properly, and sometimes that takes me a while, I feel more able to be myself, whatever being myself is. When I'm happy, I'm pretty good, but when I'm feeling low I suppose you could say if I'm left to myself I do one of two things, pull myself out of it and get on with life, or get a bit depressive. But if I am happy I tend to get a bit hyper, and energetic, and flirty. People have asked me before if I'm drunk. I sometimes think I may have problems. Ooo, I forgot to mention, I have a horse, and he is just excellent, even with all his problems, I wouldn't swap him, sell him or anything like that for the world. I also have a boxer dog, and I love them both to bits. She is like a guardian for me. They both pull me through. Oh yeah, and I finished sixth form college this year. Failing all my A level. I'm so proud of myself. Ah well, who cares, theyre only qualifications. Which may have enabled me to get into uni. I'll just do an access course. If I can get accepted onto one.
Yeah so that's me. Well, no it's not. I missed some bits out. Like, I'm single, and I've always been single. Never had a boyfriend in my life. Well, unless you count "boyfriends" from first school. Which I don't. I'm 18 and I've never even kissed a guy. How sucky is that? Ok, I've had oo 2 people ask me out. And I turned them down. I didn't fancy them, and they annoyed me. End of. Other guys have shown an interest, but I met them online, and all they want is me "flirt" with them online. They all think I know what I'm talking about. They don't know me. They found me online and thought "I reckon she'd be a good shag, I'll add her". So they do. And I'll mess about with em til I get fed up and they get a bit too much and then I'll block em. The same goes for really nice guys who add me. They annoy me, coz they can be too nice. So they get blocked. The other guys who I know, who have shown an interest, was a very good friend, but he never said anything, it was just how he acted and focused on me. It annoyed me so I let him know it weren't gonna happen. Then two other guys who have both shown an interest and I have liked, both have/had girlfriends who I'm mates with. One of them just wanted to cheat on his girlfriend with me. I gave him the chance when they split up once, to go out with me, and he said "I think you're lovely too" and I think there was a but along the lines of "but I cant think of anyone but her right now". Then four months later they're back together and he tells me he wants to cheat on her with me. He wouldn't do it with anyone else but me. He never liked me, just wanted sex. I got over him after a year of liking him, that was about a month or two ago. And now they've just split up and I want to like him again. I'll keep you posted with that. The other guy, well his gf, I mean fiancee, get it right, knows he likes me. She asked for his permission to cheat to make sure she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, he was obviously hurt but said yeah if i can too. One last fling. They told each other who they would like "one last fling" with "to make sure they were sure" and he said me. He told me all this. So I began to like him. We have flirted a lot since then, talked online and by text. Met up, twice, and he tried to kiss me the second time. We were hugging good bye and as I was pulling away he was looking at my lips and pulling me towards him and I carried on pulling away coz I just didn't realise what he was trying to do. Then it was awkward. We didn't speak for the next few days. But now I'm not sure I like him. I know I fantasize about having sex with him, but he's starting to annoy me. I just don't have feelings for him anymore. I don't think. I have problems I'm sure. No wonder I'm still single. I want a boyfriend, I really do. But then sometimes I think I just want sex. Coz I get soooo horny. Ahhh it's ridiculous.
Anyhow, I'm off for a bit. Might write again later.
Ciao x
I'm 18. I'm single. I have a mum, dad and brother. I love them, most of the time :p. I have plenty of mates, who are all, or nearly all, the best! Some are fake, but, oh well. I'm quite shy, I hate being in big groups of people where I know very few of them, I'm not sure what to say, so I don't say anything. Once I get to know people properly, and sometimes that takes me a while, I feel more able to be myself, whatever being myself is. When I'm happy, I'm pretty good, but when I'm feeling low I suppose you could say if I'm left to myself I do one of two things, pull myself out of it and get on with life, or get a bit depressive. But if I am happy I tend to get a bit hyper, and energetic, and flirty. People have asked me before if I'm drunk. I sometimes think I may have problems. Ooo, I forgot to mention, I have a horse, and he is just excellent, even with all his problems, I wouldn't swap him, sell him or anything like that for the world. I also have a boxer dog, and I love them both to bits. She is like a guardian for me. They both pull me through. Oh yeah, and I finished sixth form college this year. Failing all my A level. I'm so proud of myself. Ah well, who cares, theyre only qualifications. Which may have enabled me to get into uni. I'll just do an access course. If I can get accepted onto one.
Yeah so that's me. Well, no it's not. I missed some bits out. Like, I'm single, and I've always been single. Never had a boyfriend in my life. Well, unless you count "boyfriends" from first school. Which I don't. I'm 18 and I've never even kissed a guy. How sucky is that? Ok, I've had oo 2 people ask me out. And I turned them down. I didn't fancy them, and they annoyed me. End of. Other guys have shown an interest, but I met them online, and all they want is me "flirt" with them online. They all think I know what I'm talking about. They don't know me. They found me online and thought "I reckon she'd be a good shag, I'll add her". So they do. And I'll mess about with em til I get fed up and they get a bit too much and then I'll block em. The same goes for really nice guys who add me. They annoy me, coz they can be too nice. So they get blocked. The other guys who I know, who have shown an interest, was a very good friend, but he never said anything, it was just how he acted and focused on me. It annoyed me so I let him know it weren't gonna happen. Then two other guys who have both shown an interest and I have liked, both have/had girlfriends who I'm mates with. One of them just wanted to cheat on his girlfriend with me. I gave him the chance when they split up once, to go out with me, and he said "I think you're lovely too" and I think there was a but along the lines of "but I cant think of anyone but her right now". Then four months later they're back together and he tells me he wants to cheat on her with me. He wouldn't do it with anyone else but me. He never liked me, just wanted sex. I got over him after a year of liking him, that was about a month or two ago. And now they've just split up and I want to like him again. I'll keep you posted with that. The other guy, well his gf, I mean fiancee, get it right, knows he likes me. She asked for his permission to cheat to make sure she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, he was obviously hurt but said yeah if i can too. One last fling. They told each other who they would like "one last fling" with "to make sure they were sure" and he said me. He told me all this. So I began to like him. We have flirted a lot since then, talked online and by text. Met up, twice, and he tried to kiss me the second time. We were hugging good bye and as I was pulling away he was looking at my lips and pulling me towards him and I carried on pulling away coz I just didn't realise what he was trying to do. Then it was awkward. We didn't speak for the next few days. But now I'm not sure I like him. I know I fantasize about having sex with him, but he's starting to annoy me. I just don't have feelings for him anymore. I don't think. I have problems I'm sure. No wonder I'm still single. I want a boyfriend, I really do. But then sometimes I think I just want sex. Coz I get soooo horny. Ahhh it's ridiculous.
Anyhow, I'm off for a bit. Might write again later.
Ciao x
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